I’ve been developing the Light Inside Technique (LIT) since 2016, when it became clear to me that I needed a common-sense approach to reducing stress and increasing positivity. Insights have come from both doing the practice on my own and from using the various aspects of the technique in dialogue with others. I’m eager to share LIT with as many people as I can. Together we can create more peace and positivity.
If we want peace of mind, and to be inspired from that peace and joy that we find within ourselves, we have to somehow find forgiveness. We have to learn not just to forgive others, but also ourselves, for the offenses that we’ve committed toward others and toward ourselves. I talk to so many people who say they wish they could go back in time and do everything differently. I’m the same. I’ve wanted exactly the same opportunity to go back and make better choices, for my own benefit and for the benefit of others. We can feel so guilty and so overwhelmed by our grief and despair that we’re lost in the sense of being a horrible, unforgivable menace to society. But even for those who feel their offenses are not so horrible, but more mild and common, the thought of guilt and wrong-doing can grip us and impede the freedom and inspiration we deeply desire. Eventually, we must find resolution.
With LIT we practice radical forgiveness and compassion for ourselves. We accept that everyone makes mistakes, each and every one of us without exception. We all have lessons to learn. Some of us may have a habit of forgiving others more readily while holding ourselves to a “higher” standard. This is my experience, too, and interestingly, what I find is that if I hold on to blame, shame, and anger toward myself then I am also more likely to project these out toward others, perpetuating the habit of tension and conflict. I have to be able to forgive myself.
My biggest “complaint” about myself is that I didn’t work through the anxiety, anger and grief that I began experiencing at an early age. I tried to avoid it, hide it, ignore it, and deny it. I accepted compliments and praise from others and felt inspired by those. I couldn’t understand, though, when it came time to express myself or to be productive or creative in a way that was purposeful and meaningful, why I felt awkward and without confidence. I’ve come to find that it was because of the underlying anxiety, anger and sadness.
So finally, after years of avoiding them, they surfaced, and without mercy, it seemed. I was overwhelmed with these emotions, and they were like relentless forces of nature, uncompromising at times, imposing their will into my mind and my relationships. I quickly started isolating myself, cutting myself off from friends, pleading for help from professionals and then arguing with them about their recommendations, having anger outbursts toward family, becoming violent at times and fearful that I would go into uncontrollable rages. It was horrible.
After seven long years, I have more peace and positivity. I can find resolution quickly whenever a stressful thought comes up. The short of it is this: I’ve had to learn to forgive others, and myself. I made mistakes, yes, and I’ll continue to make mistakes/learn lessons. We all do. That’s part of it. The other part is realizing why I was avoiding, hiding, ignoring and denying those stressful underlying emotions. I didn’t want to feel anxiety, because that made me feel embarrassed and inadequate, and I wanted to feel accepted/loved, appreciated, and valued. We all do. I didn’t want to show anger because then people would think I was weak and offensive, and I wanted to feel, again, accepted and appreciated. I didn’t want to appear sad or depressed because who wants to be around someone who’s ‘weak’ and ‘sensitive.’ I wanted to be strong, friendly, happy and productive. Just like everyone else.
When I take that perspective, how can I blame myself? I’m no guiltier than anyone else. I want the same things everyone else does. And I, like everyone else, have to learn how to get those needs met in a positive way. So I sincerely ask everyone I’ve ever offended to forgive me, and I also practice forgiveness of myself so that I can be a more positive influence for others. I hope you’ll join me in this practice!